The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
