3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
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Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
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I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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