friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
