I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You took a bar mat shot.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
