do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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