So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
