I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
