Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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