tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
