I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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