I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
