Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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