you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
