There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize