So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
