His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
cat food counts as protein by the way
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Green mimosas i think yes
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
