Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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