If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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