Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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