high people should be assigned attendants
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
