If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
