recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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