Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
