Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
