So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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