First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
