Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
