I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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