quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
