I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize