when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
