Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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