Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
