I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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