Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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