I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
