do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
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just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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