if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
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We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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