Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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