seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize