there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
