can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
