I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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