exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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