Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
