Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
