it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
