i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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