Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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