btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
God, I missed his penis.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
