A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
