***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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