Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
