I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
