my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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