he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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