Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Im part way to drunk.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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