You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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