end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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