aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
