i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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